Love languages don’t just apply to romantic relationships. This revolutionary communication theory can bring about real improvements in your relationships with colleagues, employees, and managers, and can positively change the way you feel about the people you work with.
What are the five love languages?
Coined over 30 years ago by US anthropologist and pastor Gary Chapman, there are five distinct types of love language (bearing in mind that many people will be a mixture of two or more). Traditionally these love languages have been associated purely with romantic partnerships, but in reality their application can be applied to any relationship that requires clear communication and the workplace is no exception. In this context, the five main love languages are:
Words of affirmation – praise and positive feedback
Acts of service – performing tasks for others
Gift giving and receiving – tangible tokens of appreciation
Physical touch – a handshake or pat on the back
Quality time – mentorship or face to face meeting
When a verbal affirmation just won’t cut the mustard.
Everybody needs to feel appreciated. Many of us dedicate a substantial part of our day to our employers and colleagues, and it can be difficult to stay motivated if we feel that our hard labour is going unheralded. Sometimes however, the issue is not one of a lack of acknowledgement, but a misunderstanding due to the way in which that appreciation is conveyed.
If, for instance, your love language is Words of Affirmation, and your manager expresses their gratitude for your work through Quality Time, such as mentoring you in order to help you get ahead, there is a high chance that their lack of a verbalised “thanks for all that you do” will leave you feeling distinctly undervalued.
Perhaps you are tired of hearing your colleague express how thankful they are to you for taking on some of their extra workload, an Act of Service you perform for them rather regularly? If you’re waiting for them to return the favour in kind, you could be waiting a while! Their love language is Words of Affirmation, and for them, that is acknowledgement enough.
Identifying both your own love languages and those of your staff and colleagues, will allow you to tailor your message of appreciation to the individual. If Julie from accounts has been putting in the hard yards for the end of the financial year and you know that her love language is Gifts, then a physical token of your appreciation, such as a monetary bonus, voucher, or even just a hand-written card, will mean more to her than even the most heartfelt thank you (although let’s face it, no matter what their love language is, nobody is going to turn their nose up at a bonus!).
At Christchurch advertising agency Pinnacle&Co, Founder and Director Phillippa Jacobs-Lory has recently taken the time to identify the love languages of every member of our team, from the designers and copywriters to our hardworking administrators. This valuable exercise has enabled her to show each employee how much their hard work is valued, in a language that resonates with them as an individual.
Phillippa has also encouraged her staff to utilise their newfound knowledge of love languages when dealing with their colleagues, which has made for a more harmonious work environment and a tangible reduction in friction and misunderstandings.
There are plenty of websites that can give you a more in-depth explanation of the love languages theory, we like this blog at www.mindbodygreen.com, or you could go old school and buy the original book!
Depending on the nature of your job, over the course of a working week you may spend more time with your colleagues than you do your own family. We believe that any psychological tool that improves communication amongst your team can only be a positive thing, so why not take the time to find out what makes your colleagues tick, they might even thank you for it!